Open Relationships 101: 5 Books That Actually Make It Make Sense

More and more people are exploring non-monogamy. But it's not something that most of us manage over night. Photo: ChatGpt

Here are 5 books that make navigating Non Monogamy feel a little less like emotional bumper cars and a little more like a brave, messy, beautiful act of self-awareness.

So, you’ve opened the relationship—or you’re thinking about it—and suddenly you’re knee-deep in feelings, group chats, and weird pangs of jealousy you didn’t know you were capable of. Welcome to the polycurious club. It’s confusing. It’s hot. It’s sometimes a little heartbreaking. And it helps to read the damn manual.

1. “Polysecure” by Jessica Fern

If you’ve ever caught yourself asking, “Why am I totally fine with this one lover's date night, but losing my mind over another’s cuddle photo?”—this one’s for you. Polysecure breaks down how your attachment style plays into your experience of Open Relationships, jealousy, and security. Less “jealousy is bad,” more “your nervous system is just trying to keep you alive.”

Jealousy in Non Monogamy, explained through trauma-informed psychology.

2. “The Ethical Slut” by Janet Hardy & Dossie Easton

This is basically non-monogamy scripture. First published in the '90s, it’s been lovingly updated to reflect today's queerer, kinkier, more consent-forward world.They cover everything from group sex to setting boundaries without sounding like a spreadsheet, and they do it with zero shame.

A cornerstone for anyone opening their relationship—or just rethinking what love looks like.

3. “Opening Up” by Tristan Taormino

This is the structured sibling of The Ethical Slut. Less poetic, more charts. But that’s not a bad thing.Taormino outlines different styles of Open Relationships, from polyamory to swinging, and offers real-life case studies that make you feel way less alone.

A must-read for couples dipping their toes into Non Monogamy and trying not to drown.

4. “Love Without Emergency” by Alexandra Solomon

This one’s for the anxious attachers and overthinkers. Dr. Solomon takes you gently through the minefield of intimacy, ownership, and jealousy, and gives you language that isn’t “toxic” or “needy”—just human. It's not strictly about Non Monogamy, but it is about how to love without panicking.

Great for building emotional intelligence in any kind of Open Relationship.

5. “More Than Two” by Franklin Veaux & Eve Rickert (with asterisk)

Controversial? Yes. Still useful? Also yes.Despite later criticism of the author’s own ethics, “More Than Two” is one of the most comprehensive deep dives into polyamory out there. Think of it as a “read with caution” classic—it’ll teach you a lot, and you’ll also learn what to question. Still one of the most referenced texts in the Non Monogamy world, for better or worse.

Final Thought

Non monogamy is not about having your cake and eating it too. It’s about figuring out how many cakes you want, where they come from, and how not to freak out when someone else takes a bite.Start with these books, and you might just feel a little less lost—and a lot more open.