10 Red Flags you should pay attention to

We’ve all done it—looked at something objectively terrible and decided it was actually “hot,” “passionate,” or “just part of who they are.” Maybe you called it chemistry. Maybe you called it fate. Maybe you called it “that thing where they only text you back when they’re in a cab alone at 3am.”

The truth? Some red flags don’t look red until you’re halfway in love and knee-deep in rationalisations. Here are ten you should stop dressing up as romance—before you find yourself reading articles like this with hope their traits won't be listed.

1. They call you their “muse” before learning your last name

It sounds poetic until you realise they’re less interested in you as a person and more in how you make them feel like a tortured genius. You’re not a moodboard.

2. They disappear “for space” and come back horny

Translation: They don’t know how to regulate their emotions, so they ghost until they want validation.

3. They treat boundaries like negotiation points

“No, but…” is still a no. If they make you feel guilty for having limits, it’s not passion—it’s control.

4. Their ex is “crazy” (but somehow all of them are)

If every past partner is a disaster except them, you might be about to join the roster of “unhinged” people in their retrospective narrative.

5. They joke about things you’ve told them in confidence

Humour is great. Humour at the expense of your vulnerabilities is erosion disguised as banter.

6. They hate all your friends

Is it that they’re bad people, or that your friends might call out the bad behaviour?

7. They “forget” to use protection

If they’re willing to risk your health because “it feels better,” imagine what else they’ll risk for their comfort.

8. They only say “I love you” after sex

That’s not intimacy, it’s post-nut oxytocin and an inflated sense of closeness.

9. They’re “different” when they drink

Spoiler: Alcohol doesn’t create new personality traits. It just turns the volume up on the existing ones.

10. You feel more anxious than excited when they text

Your body knows before your brain catches up. If your heart drops instead of jumps, pay attention.

Why We Romanticise Red Flags

We’re sold the idea that chaos equals passion and that great love is supposed to feel like a high-speed chase. Add in attachment wounds, a lack of good role models, and the dopamine hit of intermittent attention, and you’ve got a recipe for calling manipulation “mystique.”

The person who makes you feel the most intensity isn’t necessarily the person who’s safest for you.

How to Actually Walk Away

• Name the flag. If you can’t say it out loud, you’re probably in denial.

• Tell a friend. External perspective is kryptonite to your inner romanticiser.

• Break the pattern. Even if it means deleting their number and blocking them everywhere.

• Don’t wait for closure. Closure is the fantasy that they’ll suddenly understand and validate your pain. They won’t.

Red flags aren’t just a warning—they’re a forecast. Ignore them, and the storm that follows is one you’ll convince yourself you saw coming “from the very start.”