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A bucket list on speed

By: "Diva D"

Illustration: Ewa Zak



Like many people I have a bucket list, but unlike most people my list is written on an

actual bucket. This way I have a container in which to collect small symbolic tokens. Objects of nostalgia which fills its up. Tickets, photos, body parts etc.Its my shrine of memories to where I can return and dwell.It also gives me a chance to add things afterwards. experiences i didn’t know I wanted. Or, for that matter needed in my life.

It’s slowly filling up and it's a good bucket. It's a bucket of love and pleasure. It's my bucket of lust. My bucket lust.One thing I haven't got written on my bucket is:“To sit in bed with a cup of tea like Carrie Bradshaw and write a vibrating story about a city that never sleeps.“

But here I am. Doing exactly that. So… (check)

I have many friends using Berlin as a valve to release the pressures that society builds up

within us. A weekend in Berlin can be everything from a hop on hop of around the city to

licking Pep of a toilet seat in Kit Kat club. We are all looking for different kicks in life and on our travels. But weather people just daytime stroll in the heart of Europe or nighttime stroll to score blowjobs in a sex kino at Kurfürstenstrasse is individual.

But Berlin is where, at least I, tick of most of my dreams from my bucket list. I am fortunate enough to work as an artist and I quite often find my way to Berlin and its alternative ways around my art form. Shows are funnier to do there. Risks are more often taken and audiences expect more in this city. For me as an artist that is a great way to develop and to push the old boundaries.

It has become a favorite place to come and hunt more encounters with a destiny

seemingly on speed. So thats why I go there. Thats why I manipulate my agent and spice her coffee with coordinates to Xberg. Because I want to land there in the middle of you all on a float through endless adventures.

Every time I leave I wanna feel that there was absolutely nothing else I could do. Maximum satisfaction guaranteed even if I need a blood exchange every time I leave. Kidding aside. I have never changed blood (at least not under medical supervision) but I always leave with quite a hangover. But it is not all fairies and `alles poletti`. Unfortunately I have also walked out of a club after a hug, not knowing it is the last time I see my friend.

He was swallowed by this city. Berlin giveth and Berlin taketh away.And yes I am an agent of chaos in some senses and you might guess what I am looking for in life. What I buy, look for and consume tells the story that is me and it is sometimes dark and weird. And criminal in some parts of the world.

Maybe this story is about bucket lists and escapes from reality. Or maybe it is a reflection

on how we sometimes like to take a holiday from ourselves. I mean… how many of you

are interested in hearing about me having a threesome with a Schlumpf involved (check)

or being abducted by a pack of witches to be be sacrificed in the woods (check)?

Your buckets are hopefully filled with equally juicy stories. But we come to Berlin for

different reasons. All of us.


I remember coming to a, then not so developed Hackescher Markt and mesmerized myself

into a underground exhibition in a cold and wet basement followed by a night getting

absolute hammered on “Alkoholfrei bier”. The pure excitement of it all made me forget to

look at the labels and yes, the beers worked anyway. Because of magical Berlin and the

power of expectations.

So there are ways of filling our buckets with Berlin wonders without challenging our

health system. The city offers it all. For example. The “easiest” marathon to do is supposed to be Berlin Marathon and one day I will do it.

And maybe, when the race is overI will have myself wrapped in cling film with only a tiny

hole for my mouth to breath through. And maybe, just maybe, someone will put a

colorful little pill through that hole (check).

Now the editor needs this text to be done and the way of making me deliver on time is

simple.I have a butt plug inserted which has an electrical current running through it. And when I am past my deadline I have a charged reminder shooting through my body and I know its time to stop. This is a lie. There are nothing electrical up my ass. But you know what. It is on my bucket list.