How to Find a Unicorn: The Couple's Guide to Threesomes
- Amanda Sandström Beijer
- Jan 15
- 5 min read
So you and your partner want to invite a third into your bedroom. Welcome to the hunt for that mythical creature: the unicorn. Named for their apparent rarity, unicorns are single people willing to join couples for threesomes without drama, strings, or complicated emotions.
But here's the thing. Unicorns aren't actually rare. They're just really good at avoiding pushy, entitled couples who treat them like living sex toys instead of actual humans.
The truth? Finding a willing third is totally doable when you approach it right. The key is treating potential partners with genuine respect, being upfront about what you want, and understanding that unicorns have their own desires and boundaries too.
Where to Actually Meet Unicorns (IRL Edition)
Forget sliding into random DMs or being that couple who hits on the barista. Real unicorn hunting happens in spaces where people are already open to sexual exploration.
Sex-positive parties and events are goldmines. These aren't just kinky dungeons (though those work too). Think tantric workshops, polyamory meetups, or sex-positive discussion groups. People attending these events are already comfortable discussing sexuality and alternative relationship structures.
Kink communities and BDSM events offer another excellent hunting ground. Many experienced players are open to various dynamics, including being a third for couples. The established consent culture in these spaces also means everyone's more practiced at having honest conversations about desires and boundaries.
Alternative lifestyle festivals and conventions draw crowds of open-minded individuals. Whether it's Burning Man, a sex-positive festival, or even certain music festivals with alternative vibes, these events create natural opportunities for connections.
Don't overlook sex-, swinger clubs and lifestyle venues. Even if you're not full swingers, many clubs welcome couples seeking unicorns. The atmosphere is already sexually charged, and everyone knows why they're there.
The App Game (Keep It Simple)
Fine, let's talk apps briefly. But remember: apps should supplement your IRL efforts, not replace them.
Feeld remains the gold standard for ethically non-monogamous connections. Unlike mainstream dating apps, Feeld users expect alternative relationship structures. Create a couple's profile, be crystal clear about seeking a third, and include photos of both partners.
3Fun caters specifically to threesome seekers, though the user base is smaller.
OkCupid also works if you're upfront in your profile about being a couple seeking a unicorn.
App etiquette is crucial. Don't lead with explicit photos. Don't immediately suggest meeting. Do have actual conversations. Do respect when someone says no.
What Unicorns Actually Want to Hear
"We've been talking about this for months and really want to make sure everyone has an amazing time."
"What would make this experience perfect for you?"
"We're happy to meet for drinks first with no pressure."
"What are your hard limits?"
These phrases show you've thought beyond your own pleasure and actually care about creating a good experience for all three people involved.
The Unicorn's Perspective: What Actually Attracts Them
From a third's viewpoint, attractive couples share certain qualities that have nothing to do with how conventionally hot they are.
Genuine enthusiasm from both partners tops the list. Unicorns can instantly tell when one partner is reluctant or just going along with their partner's fantasy. This creates awkward energy that kills the mood before anything starts.
Clear, honest communication about expectations ranks second. Unicorns appreciate couples who can articulate exactly what they want without being pushy or entitled.
Emotional intelligence matters enormously. The ability to read the room, adjust when someone seems uncomfortable, and prioritize everyone's pleasure over your own fantasy shows maturity.
Social skills beyond the bedroom also attract unicorns. Being interesting, funny, or engaging in regular conversation makes the entire experience more enjoyable.
Red Flags That Send Unicorns Running
Certain behaviors immediately mark you as amateur unicorn hunters who'll create drama or treat thirds poorly.
Pushing for immediate meetings screams desperation and lack of respect for boundaries. Real connections take time to develop.
Focusing exclusively on your fantasy without considering the third's desires shows you view them as a prop, not a participant.
One partner doing all the communication while the other stays silent raises questions about enthusiasm and consent within your relationship.
Being vague about what you want creates confusion and suggests you haven't properly discussed this between yourselves yet.
Pressuring for unprotected sex or being weird about STI discussions demonstrates poor judgment and selfishness.
Never Say These Things
"We've never done this before, so we're not sure what we want." Figure that out before approaching anyone.
"My partner is okay with this, but..." This suggests your partner isn't actually okay with this.
"You're exactly what we're looking for." This makes people feel like they're being auditioned for a role rather than connecting as humans.
"We don't usually do this." Everyone's nervous. Stating it makes things awkward.
"Just be yourself." Lazy and meaningless. Better to ask specific questions about their interests or boundaries.
Building Genuine Connection First
The best unicorn experiences start with actual friendship or at least genuine liking between all parties.
Meet in public first. Have actual conversations. Discover shared interests beyond sex. Let attraction develop naturally rather than forcing it.
Consider the timing of your approach. Don't proposition someone within minutes of meeting them. Build some rapport first.
Include both partners in all conversations and planning. The unicorn should feel connected to both of you, not just whoever's doing the talking.
Be prepared to be friends even if the sexual component doesn't work out. This mindset shift from "hunting" to "connecting" dramatically improves your success rate.
Consent and Safety Best Practices
Establish boundaries before clothes come off. Discuss what everyone wants to try, what's absolutely off-limits, and how to communicate during the encounter.
Create a group chat for ongoing communication about preferences, scheduling, and check-ins.
Meet somewhere neutral for the first encounter, not your home. This gives everyone an easy exit if things feel off.
Establish safe words and check-in protocols. Make sure everyone knows they can pause or stop anything at any time.
Discuss safer sex practices openly. Get recent STI test results. Use barriers appropriately. Don't make assumptions about anyone's status or preferences.
For more insights into healthy power dynamics and communication, check out our guide on introducing BDSM and roleplay to your partner.
The Follow-Up Game
After a successful encounter, follow up appropriately. Thank them for the experience. If you'd like to see them again, say so directly rather than playing games.
Respect their decision if they're not interested in repeating the experience. Don't take it personally or pressure them to explain why.
Maintain discretion about your encounters. Don't kiss and tell or share details with mutual friends without permission.
Keep the door open for friendship even if the sexual component was one-time only.
Remember: the best unicorn hunters become known in their communities as respectful, fun, and considerate partners. This reputation will serve you far better than any app or pickup technique.
Finding unicorns isn't about hunting mythical creatures. It's about creating space for genuine connection with open-minded people who might enjoy sharing intimate experiences with you. Treat it as such, and you'll discover unicorns are everywhere.