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HOW TO GET CHEWED UP, SPAT OUT AND LOVE IT

Our anonymous guest writer Trash Ninja reveals the secrets of a night out in Berlin.

Illustration: Allis Bergstrand

An expression that you often hear about Berlin is that this city can chew you up and spit you out. However, if the voice of the little devil on your shoulder speaks louder than the angel on the other, Berlin is the perfect city for some amazing experiences and some serious fun.

There is a certain amount of jadedness that takes you over as time goes by when living in Berlin, as it often is when you spend time in bigger cities. Here I find it to be on another level though. The young man wearing fairy wings and nothing more, giving head to a person with a latex face mask next to you, while you’re fighting for the attention of the bartender for another gin and tonic simply doesn’t get a raised eyebrow anymore. Another well used phrase here is “It´s Berlin.” These two words are designed to make it clear that everything deemed different in other places is perfectly normal here. New to Berlin? Well, strap yourself in for the ride and get ready to be freakified.


Some of the clubs in this city have notorious reputations and most often for good reason. The opinions on which club to go to vary depending to whom you speak or which night you want to party but the word “club” must be said out loud more times here per day than in any city in the world. It´s simply a big part of the city’s soul and a big reason why people chose to come here.


One of these notorious clubs that I personally like is of course Kitkatclub. Known to the unwitting people that never set foot there simply as “the place where everyone has sex everywhere” but once you’ve been there you see that this club offers so much more. From the moment you step inside the big wooden doors it will have your head spinning. Firstly, because the rather demure interior makes you wonder “is this what all the fuss is about?” but after handing your phone and clothes away to the butt naked wardrobe staff and maybe changing into something a little less comfortable, your journey can begin and you won’t be disappointed.


After ordering the first beer from one of the über cool ladies behind the bar making you feel like your own outfit is less than impressive, you take a look out to the pool area which unfortunately is not open every day. This area is one of the few places in the club where talking is more common than penetration. If you’re sociable and not afraid to meet new people you can end up finding a buddy for the night or even for life. Usually it’s for the night, to be fair. The sensual atmosphere around the pool is palpable and has always made me think of a party in ancient Greece (of course with more grape feeding and a lot less latex). The swing above the pool is a nice detail which my friend Em can’t seem to stay away from. When seeing her long brown hair touch the water as she leans back to go higher and higher and landing gracefully on her naked body as the swing moves from side to side, it’s the only time I wish I had my phone so I could photograph the spectacle. Apart from that the lack of phones in this place is refreshing and the reason why it is so easy to meet people here.


When you get restless and your newfound buddies want to hit the dance floor, why not go down the stairs to the dungeon? It has numerous spaces for close encounters and offers you a possibility to do a session with the bdsm-masters or to just to be a slightly creepy bystander. Several dark and alluring rooms are available for your pleasure around the club. Don´t be afraid to explore while here, there is much to part-take in for the adventurous visitor. Spend a few hours on the dance floor or walk around and take it all in and even the most uptight person will find him- or herself opening up (sometimes literally) to some good times on a sofa.


As a rather sociable person I usually find a handful of likeminded, happy people as the night goes along. Sometimes it feels like you’re at a party where you know everybody and spend the night mingling with old and new friends. I’m also the kind of person that never want the party to end. When the sun is up, the once packed dance floor full of colourful people with piercings in every place possible, drag queens and the odd T-shirt-and-jeans-guy, is all but emptied, I start to look for the after party. Fouled with expensive water, some illegal substances and several Heinekens, I have a special knack for sniffing out the coolest people and make friends. Not so surprisingly enough, telling people that you think their outfit is amazing or that somebody has a beautiful cock ring can really get you on their good side and when you find someone else with eyes the size of saucers you tend to bond quite quickly.

Even if you’ve had a smashing night dancing and chatting away, this is usually when the stories get interesting… At the after party.


I’ve ended up having a naked photo shoot with one of Kitkats notorious photographers, done coke in a hotel room with a minor rock star, had ecstasy shoved up my butthole just for the hell of it and basically just met people with some truly interesting life stories and chatting away till its time to go out and do it all again. Even though it’s easy to be wowed by the clubs that this city has to offer, my best tip for finding yourself in positive party situations you can’t even imagine, is to be open for what happens when the club empties itself on guests getting ready for the second inning. Just let the people shooting heroine in the subway be a warning to not let the city spit you out after its done with you.


But while here, have fun and don’t be afraid of letting lose and following your gut when it comes to after parties because if you go with it, anything can happen. After all - It’s Berlin.


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