How to Have a Threesome Without Ruining Your Relationship
- Filip
- Aug 28
- 3 min read
So, you and your partner want to have a threesome. Congratulations: you’re in the company of basically every couple with WiFi and a healthy dose of curiosity. Threesomes are one of the most searched-for fantasies out there, and when they go right, they can be exhilarating, bonding, and unforgettable. When they go wrong, though? You’ll wish you’d stuck to Netflix and takeout.
Here’s how to make sure your “let’s try something new” doesn’t turn into “why are we fighting in an Uber at 4 a.m.?”
1. Talk About It Before You Do It (No, Really)
If the first time you’re mentioning a threesome is while drunk at a bar, don’t. Sit down sober, talk about why you want to do it, what excites you, and what scares you. The difference between a fantasy and reality is huge, and clarity now prevents meltdowns later.
2. Set Rules Like You’re Planning a Bank Heist
Rules don’t kill the mood—they keep it alive. Decide on the basics:
Can you kiss the third person, or is it strictly hands and genitals?
Who’s allowed to finish with whom?
What acts are off-limits?
Having boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t trust your partner. It means you’re smart enough to know that in the heat of the moment, logic gets fuzzy.
3. Choose the Right Third
This is the biggest mistake couples make: inviting their hot friend, their ex, or literally anyone they’ll have to see at brunch the next day. Bad idea. Go for someone outside your social circle (dating apps and dedicated kink sites are useful for this). The third should be enthusiastic, respected, and aware of your rules—not an unwitting pawn in your “let’s spice it up” experiment.
4. Safe Sex Isn’t Optional
Condoms, dental dams, lube—the works. A threesome means three bodies, three sets of STI risks, and three chances to regret not being prepared. Treat protection as part of the play, not an afterthought.
5. Don’t Forget Aftercare
Here’s the part couples skip: the debrief. After the sex, check in with each other. Was anything uncomfortable? Did anyone feel left out? Talking through it immediately makes it easier to process any awkward feelings before they snowball into jealousy or resentment.
6. Keep the Focus on You Two
At its best, a threesome should feel like an adventure you’re having together, not a test of loyalty. If your partner spends the whole time glued to the third person, or if you find yourself competing for attention, pause. The goal isn’t to prove you’re not jealous—it’s to share an experience.
7. Remember: It Doesn’t Have to Be Forever
Trying a threesome doesn’t mean you’ve committed to becoming a polyamorous triad. You can do it once, decide it was hot (or awkward), and never repeat it. Or you can decide it’s a recurring treat. Either way, the choice is yours—not Instagram’s idea of what “sexually liberated” should look like.
The Bottom Line
Threesomes can either supercharge your intimacy or throw a grenade into it. The difference comes down to honesty, boundaries, and remembering that the real relationship to protect is the one you already have. The sex might last an hour. The relationship (hopefully) lasts longer.
Or, as one sex therapist put it: “A threesome doesn’t make or break a couple. But how you handle it afterward absolutely can.”
