How to Make an Open Relationship Work – Advice From a Couple Who’s Lived It for Years
- Filip
- May 18
- 3 min read
Joachim and Janina have been together for over a decade — and for the last several years, they’ve also shared an open relationship. In this honest and insightful conversation, the Berlin-based couple opens up about the challenges, breakthroughs, and the keys to building trust and emotional safety in non-monogamy.
From navigating jealousy to setting boundaries, this episode of Playful Podcast dives deep into what it really takes to thrive in an open relationship — without losing connection to your partner or yourself.
“Jealousy is not the enemy – it’s information.”
One of the biggest misconceptions about open relationships is that they’re “easier” or “more free.” But as Joachim points out, the emotional work involved is anything but casual.
“I think people think that when you're in an open relationship, jealousy is something you’ve already dealt with... but it still comes up. You just learn to work with it better.”
For Janina, the jealousy was never about the other person — it was about what the situation made her feel about herself:
“I had to learn not to see jealousy as something negative. It was more like, what is this feeling showing me about my needs?”
Instead of avoiding or suppressing those emotions, they’ve both learned to listen to them — and to talk about them honestly, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Don’t Open Up Just to “Fix” Something
A mistake many couples make, they say, is trying to use an open relationship to fix what’s broken.
“If there’s already a lack of trust, or if one of you isn’t really into it, it’s not going to work,” says Joachim.
For them, opening up wasn’t about “spicing things up” — it was about curiosity, and trusting each other enough to explore desires individually and together. Communication became everything.
“We talked constantly in the beginning. After every experience. Even the tiniest details, just to make sure we both felt safe and respected,” says Janina.
Structure, Freedom — and Clear Boundaries
Despite the freedom that comes with non-monogamy, structure actually plays a crucial role in making it work. Boundaries help both people feel grounded.
“We always had rules that made it feel safe,” Joachim says. “At one point it was: never sleep in someone else’s bed. Another time it was: no sleepovers. Those rules change depending on where we are.”
They stress that boundaries in open relationships aren’t about restriction — they’re about clarity. And those agreements are always up for renegotiation.
“The biggest key is constant check-ins. It’s never just ‘set it and forget it’,” says Janina.
Why It’s Worth It — Even When It’s Hard
Non-monogamy isn’t always easy. They’ve had arguments, breakdowns, and moments of insecurity. But in the end, they say it’s been deeply rewarding.
“It made me grow emotionally in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise,” says Janina.“I’ve become better at listening, at understanding myself, and not projecting everything onto my partner.”
For Joachim, it’s also about trust:
“I know Janina chooses to come back to me every time. And that choice means more than any rule could.”
Key Takeaways for Open Relationships (According to Janina & Joachim):
Start from a place of trust, not lack.
Talk constantly. Even when it’s uncomfortable.
See jealousy as a teacher. Ask yourself what it’s trying to show you.
Set clear, evolving boundaries. They should support both people.
Check in often. People change, and so should the agreements.
Don’t rush it. The emotional work takes time — and that’s normal.
