Should You Move to Berlin? A Flowchart for the Emotionally Reckless
- Filip
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
You think you’re moving to Berlin for the techno. For the community sauna orgies. For the feeling that your life might finally start if you just get far enough away from your last ten mistakes. But Berlin isn’t a reset button. It’s a slow unravelling disguised as freedom. And you might just love it.
So—should you move to Berlin?
Let’s break it down. Emotionally. Spiritually. Logistically.
This is for the sleep-deprived, the heartbreak-healing, the pleasure-hopeful and rent-confused. A flowchart for the romantically chaotic and the perpetually online. A maybe-yes-maybe-no kind of answer.
But first, some truth.
What Berlin Is Not:
A cheap city (anymore).
An endless party without consequences.
A queer utopia free of internalised trauma.
A place that will fix you.
A safe space for comfort seekers.
What Berlin Is (Still):
Relatively forgiving.
Creatively unhinged.
Emotionally porous.
Sometimes deeply magical.
Often cold, broke, and surprisingly tender.
Let’s Flowchart This (Metaphorically):
1. Are you running to something or from something?
→ From something:
We get it. You need a soft landing disguised as chaos. Berlin does this well—for a while. But your trauma will arrive in customs shortly after you do. Still, it might feel better here. At least heartbreak is scenic on the S-Bahn.
→ To something:
You're likely romanticising. That’s fine. Lean in. Just bring a back-up plan, flu medicine, and waterproof boots.
2. Do you have any savings?
→ Yes:
Excellent. That gives you three to six months to fall apart in private before deciding what kind of German bureaucracy you're emotionally ready for.
→ No, but I have vibes:
Vibes don’t pay rent. But you’re not wrong to try. You’ll probably live in a sublet with three queers, a ceramic altar, and a shared vibrator. It will change your life. It might also give you more back pain.
3. Do you have a job offer, EU passport, freelance visa, or at least a German ex?
→ Yes:
You're already better off than 80% of people here.
→ No:
See you in the immigration office at 5am. Hope you brought four copies of everything and an aura of desperate optimism. Consider dating someone who owns a printer.
4. Can you emotionally handle grey skies for six months?
→ Yes, I thrive in melancholia:
You’ll do well here.
→ No, I need sun to function:
Invest in a SAD lamp now. Seasonal depression isn’t a vibe, it’s a diagnosis. You will cry at Späti. It's normal.
5. Are you okay with all your friends being DJs, sound healers, or erotic coaches?
→ Obviously:
Welcome home.
→ Honestly, no:
Berlin might still surprise you. For every poly techno shaman, there’s a grounded angel who makes soup and teaches you how to claim your health insurance back.
What No One Tells You:
You’ll lose your sense of time.
You’ll have your best conversations at 5am, near a bathroom.
Someone will feed you ketamine when you wanted a pain killer.
You’ll develop intimacy faster here than anywhere else, and it’ll fade just as fast.
You’ll miss appointments. You’ll forget birthdays you thought you would never.
You’ll meet someone who changes your life and never texts back.
You’ll want to leave.
You’ll stay.
Should You Move to Berlin?
If you’re asking the internet this question, you probably already know. It’s not logical. It’s not practical. It’s not even stable.
But it’s honest.
And when Berlin cracks you open, it often fills you back up with something better. Not happiness, exactly. But something real. Something yours.
Quickfire Guide to Emotional Survival:
Telegram Groups to Join:
Free Your Stuff Berlin (you’ll need a mattress eventually)
Berlin Flatshares & Rooms (bring charm and references)
Queer Berlin Events (for when you want to fall in love in a field)
Visa Advice:
Talk to All About Berlin or Settle in Berlin.
Don’t trust random dudes at Sisyphos with your freelance visa paperwork.
Neighborhood Energy Match:
Neukölln: messy, queer bars, intense
Kreuzberg: old-school, poly-heavy, activist-core
Wedding: more chill
Prenzlauer Berg: where the ravers eventually become parents
Moabit: underrated, calm, and weirdly tender
Moving to Berlin isn’t about starting over. It’s probably more about starting sideways.
Let yourself fall apart a little. You’re allowed.
Just remember to register your address. And maybe don’t sleep with your roommate.