The Dungeon Dad: How Fatherhood and Fetish Collide

By Marcus LeVine

There’s this cliché that once you have kids, your sex life dissolves into a fog of dirty diapers, Baby Shark, and the kind of exhaustion that makes missionary feel like advanced yoga. What nobody tells you—what no parenting book dares touch—is that for some of us, becoming a dad didn’t kill the kink. It deepened it.

I’m 44. I’m a father of two. And I’m also a sadist with a well-stocked basement dungeon.

And yeah, sometimes those worlds collide.

The Dungeon Dad: How Fatherhood and Fetish Collide

From Daddy to “Daddy”

Before kids, my kink life was sprawling—clubs, dungeons, travel, late-night play that bled into sunrise. Then fatherhood arrived and forced everything into focus. Diapers, school runs, arguments about screen time. At first, I thought the responsible thing to do was shut the dungeon door for good.

But something strange happened. The deeper I leaned into being “Dad,” the stronger my drive to be “Daddy” became. Parenting demanded patience, consistency, tenderness. My kink demanded the opposite: control, intensity, the primal permission to be rough, even cruel.

It wasn’t a contradiction—it was balance. Fatherhood gave me new dimensions of care. Kink gave me somewhere to pour the chaos.

The Dungeon as Stress Relief

I used to hit the gym to blow off steam. Now? I pick up the cane. There’s nothing like a perfectly landed stroke to release a week’s worth of PTA politics and mortgage stress.

People think sadism is about rage or cruelty. But when you’ve spent the morning building Lego castles and explaining fractions, you know better. Sadism is choreography. It’s art. It’s meditation with sweat and welts.

When I tie someone down, I’m not escaping fatherhood—I’m finding a way to keep it together.

The Dungeon Dad: How Fatherhood and Fetish Collide

The Taboo Nobody Talks About

Here’s the part that makes people squirm: once you’re a parent, you’re not supposed to be sexual. At least not openly. We’re allowed to be tired, cranky, “cute” in our dad jeans. But horny? Kinky? God forbid.

And yet, I know I’m not alone. I’ve met plenty of parents in the scene—moms, dads, nonbinary caregivers—who juggle car seats and safewords. But we whisper about it. Why? Because the vanilla world conflates parenthood with sainthood. Anything “deviant” feels like a betrayal of the role.

But here’s my take: being a parent doesn’t erase your erotic self. If anything, it demands that you find ways to nurture it. If we can normalize postnatal yoga, why not post-bedtime flogging?

Talking About It (Or Not)

Do my kids know about my kink life? Absolutely not. That line is sacred. But will they grow up with a dad who believes pleasure is nothing to be ashamed of? Who models respect, consent, and authenticity in every way he can? I hope so.

I’m not raising kids to think their father is perfect. I’m raising kids who understand that being human is messy, contradictory, and worth embracing fully.

Sex After Kids: Not Dead, Just Different

Kink after fatherhood is less spontaneous, sure. It’s scheduled between homework and bedtime stories. But honestly, that makes it hotter. Scarcity sharpens appetite. Knowing that you have exactly three hours until the babysitter goes home makes every scene urgent, electric.

And nothing, I mean nothing, compares to putting the kids to bed, quietly shutting their doors, then heading downstairs to become someone else. Someone darker. Someone freer.

Why I’m Writing This

Because I’m tired of pretending that fatherhood and fetish can’t coexist. Because somewhere out there is a 40-year-old dad staring at his dusty restraints in the closet, wondering if he’s supposed to trade them in for a lawnmower. And I want him to know: you don’t have to choose.

You can be the one who makes pancakes in the morning and the one who ties knots at night.

Fatherhood doesn’t kill desire. It complicates it, expands it, makes it deeper, dirtier, and sometimes even more beautiful.

That’s the secret nobody tells you about being a dungeon dad.