The Importance of Communication in Open Relationships: A Guide to Clear Boundaries
- Filip
- Jun 26
- 3 min read
Open relationships don’t fail because of jealousy. They fail because people say “we’re open now” and then never talk about what that actually means. Spoiler: just winging it doesn’t work when emotions, sex, and multiple hearts are on the line.
If monogamy runs on assumptions, open relationships run on explicit communication. Not just about who you're sleeping with, but how, why, and what it means. It's less "free-for-all" and more "freedom with frameworks."
Whether you're dipping a toe into ethical non-monogamy or deep in a polycule spreadsheet, here’s your no-bullsh*t guide to communicating in open relationships—clearly, consciously, and with respect.
1st Rule: Assume Nothing. Spell Everything Out.
“We’re open” means nothing without context. Are you sleeping with other people casually? Dating long-term? Is emotional intimacy okay? What about sleepovers, vacations, texting exes at midnight?
Start with the basics:
What kind of openness are we practicing? (casual, polyamory, hierarchical, relationship anarchy)
What kinds of intimacy are okay?
How much do we want to know (and when)?
These aren’t one-and-done convos. They’re evolving dialogues. Set the tone early: curious, not controlling.
Boundaries Aren’t Control—They’re Clarity
A boundary is about you—what you will or won’t do, what you need to feel safe, what you need to stay connected to yourself. Not rules you hand to your partner like a checklist.
Try saying:
“I’m okay with you having other partners, but I need to feel prioritized in our emotional connection.”
“I can handle hookups, but if you’re falling for someone, I want to talk about it.”
“Condoms with others are non-negotiable.”
And then—this part matters—honor your own boundaries. Don’t betray yourself to “prove” you’re cool with something you’re not ready for.
Don’t Just Talk—Check In (Often)
Communication in open relationships isn’t just big talks over wine and Google Docs. It’s also regular emotional check-ins. What worked this week? What stung? What’s shifting?
Use these as jumping-off points:
“How are you feeling about our dynamic right now?”
“Has anything changed for you emotionally or sexually?”
“Do our agreements still feel good—or do we need to tweak something?”
Normalize renegotiating. You’re human. So are they. What worked at first may not work three months in.
How to Talk About Jealousy Without Shame
You’re not failing at polyamory if you get jealous. You’re just having a feeling. It’s what you do with that feeling that matters.
Own it without blaming:
“I felt insecure when I saw you post that photo. Can we talk about it?”
“I know this is my trigger, not your fault, but I want to share where I’m at.”
Open doesn’t mean emotionless. It means emotionally literate.
Respect Everyone in the Web
If you have other partners, or your partner does, those people are real humans with needs and boundaries too. Communication shouldn’t just flow between two primaries while everyone else gets crumbs.
Don’t:
Make secret rules your other partners aren’t aware of.
Use “primary” status as a power weapon.
Treat newer partners as less deserving of clarity or care.
Do:
Communicate openly with all partners about what you can offer emotionally, logistically, and sexually.
Stay honest if your availability shifts.
Take responsibility for your impact, not just your intention.
Communicate Like It’s Foreplay
Because it is. Open relationships thrive on radical honesty, emotional fluency, and mutual respect. That doesn’t mean everything’s perfect or easy. It means you care enough to talk about the hard stuff before it blows up.
Want to be good at open relationships? Talk more. Listen better. Check your ego at the door.
Clear boundaries don’t limit your freedom—they protect your connection.
