A KitKat Guide to Not Being "That Guy": The After-Dark Etiquette
- Amanda Sandström Beijer
- 5 days ago
- 6 min read
So you got past the door at KitKat. Congratulations, you're dressed appropriately, the bouncer didn't hate your vibe, and you're now standing inside one of Berlin's most infamous sex-positive clubs. But here's the thing: getting in was the easy part. Not being that guy once you're inside? That's the actual test.
This isn't a "how to get in" guide. There are already a thousand Reddit threads for that. This is about how to behave once you're in, how to navigate consent, eye contact, and the subtle art of not ruining everyone else's night by acting like a horny tourist at a zoo.
KitKat isn't a free-for-all. It's a carefully curated space where sexual freedom exists because of respect, not in spite of it. The second you forget that, you become the problem.
Your Outfit Got You In, Your Behavior Keeps You Welcome
You probably already know that KitKat has a dress code. Fetish wear, latex, leather, harnesses, corsets, basically anything that shows you put actual thought into your outfit. As of 2024, they're even discouraging all-black looks, which means you can't just throw on a leather jacket and call it a day. Creativity matters here.
But here's what most people don't get: the dress code isn't just aesthetic gatekeeping. It's a filter. It weeds out people who aren't willing to participate in the club's ethos. If you can't be bothered to dress with intention, you're probably not going to respect the space's other rules either.
Once you're inside, your outfit becomes secondary. What matters is how you move through the space, how you interact (or don't), and whether you understand that consent isn't some buzzkill, it's the entire foundation of what makes KitKat work.
Consent is Not a Suggestion, It's the Whole Point
Here's the part where most people nod along and then completely ignore the reality of what consent actually looks like in practice. It's not just about asking before you touch someone. It's about reading body language, respecting personal space, and understanding that silence or eye contact is not an invitation.
At KitKat, consent culture is enforced not just by staff but by the crowd itself. People will call you out if you're being creepy, pushy, or entitled. And they should. The club's entire vibe depends on everyone feeling safe enough to explore without dealing with boundary-pushers.
Before you engage with anyone, whether it's a conversation, a dance, or anything more, you ask. Not in a weird, robotic way, but in a way that shows you're aware that the other person has agency. A simple "Mind if I join you?" or "Is it cool if I watch?" does the job. If the answer is hesitation or silence, that's a no. Move on.
And if you're not sure what counts as consent in more complex scenarios, maybe spend some time with our Safe Words guide before stepping into spaces like this. Safe words aren't just for bedrooms, they're a mindset.
Don't Be the Tourist in a Fetish Space
There's a specific kind of person who shows up at KitKat like they're visiting a museum. They gawk, they take mental notes for brunch stories, and they treat everyone else like exhibits. Don't be that person.
The "tourist" vibe is immediately obvious. It's in the way you stare too long, the way you giggle nervously, the way you stand frozen in a corner like you're observing some exotic ritual. KitKat isn't a performance for your entertainment. The people around you aren't there to educate you or validate your curiosity.
If you're genuinely interested in the culture, put in the work beforehand. Read up on Berlin's underground kink community, understand the history, and come with respect, not just curiosity. If you're just there for the story, stay home.
The Phone Policy is Non-Negotiable (And For Good Reason)
No phones. No photos. No videos. No exceptions.
This isn't some quirky club rule, it's a necessity. People are vulnerable here. They're exploring aspects of themselves that don't always fit into their "normal" lives. The second someone pulls out a phone, that safety evaporates.
Security takes this seriously. If you're caught with your phone out, you're gone. And honestly, if you can't spend a few hours without checking Instagram, you're probably not ready for a space like this anyway.
The only photos that exist are from the official club photographer, who asks for explicit consent before snapping. That's the model. That's how it should be.
How to Actually Engage (Without Being Weird)
So what does "good behavior" actually look like at KitKat?
Eye contact is fine, staring is not.
There's a difference between acknowledging someone's presence and making them feel like prey. If someone locks eyes with you and smiles, great. If they look away, you move on.
You can watch, but don't loom.
Public play happens at KitKat. If you want to watch, position yourself at a respectful distance. Don't hover. Don't get your phone out (obviously). And if someone in the scene makes eye contact with you and shakes their head or gestures away, you leave. Immediately.
Join group spaces with awareness.
The dance floor, the play areas, the quieter corners, each has its own energy. Pay attention to the vibe before inserting yourself. If a group is clearly in their own world, don't crash it. If the energy is open and fluid, feel it out before jumping in.
Be kind to staff.
The bartenders, cloakroom attendants, and security are not your servants. They're part of the ecosystem that makes the night work. Treat them with respect.
What If You Mess Up?
You probably will, at least a little. Most people do the first time. Maybe you misread a signal. Maybe you stood too close. Maybe you asked a question that landed weird.
The key is how you respond. If someone corrects you or pulls back, apologize briefly and move on. Don't make it a big emotional thing. Don't demand explanations or try to defend yourself. Just accept the boundary and adjust.
If you're genuinely unsure about how to navigate complex kink dynamics, spend some time with frameworks like the Yes, No, Maybe kink spreadsheet and compare with the partner who's joining you, before you step into spaces where those dynamics are live and in real time. Theory doesn't always translate to practice, but at least you'll have a foundation.
When KitKat Works, It's Because of You
Here's the truth: KitKat's magic isn't the DJs, the décor, or the "anything goes" reputation. It's the collective agreement that everyone in the room is responsible for making the space work. That means showing up with intention, respecting boundaries, and understanding that your freedom to explore ends exactly where someone else's begins.
If you can manage that, if you can be present, respectful, and genuinely open without being entitled, you'll have one of the most liberating nights of your life. If you can't, you'll be the story people tell about "that guy" who ruined the vibe.
Don't be that guy.
Your Questions, Answered
What should I do if someone approaches me at KitKat and I'm not interested? Be direct but kind. A simple "I'm not interested, but thanks" works. You don't owe anyone an explanation. If they push after that, involve security.
Is it okay to go to KitKat alone? Absolutely. Many regulars prefer it. You're more free to explore at your own pace. Just be prepared to be social and read the room.
What if I accidentally break a rule? Apologize, adjust, move on. Don't make it a scene. Most mistakes are forgivable if you respond with grace.
Can I ask questions about someone's outfit or gear? Yes, but read the vibe first. Some people love talking about their gear. Others are there to be left alone. Start with a respectful opener and pay attention to body language.
How do I know if a space is "open" for me to join? If it's a public area (dance floor, bar), you're generally fine. For play areas or intimate groups, observe first. Look for invitations through eye contact or gestures. When in doubt, ask.
