Club Etiquette 101: How Not to Be That Guy at a Kink Party
- Filip
- 7 days ago
- 3 min read
There’s always that guy. The one who shows up in jeans and cologne, asks if he can “join in,” and doesn’t understand why people are actively avoiding eye contact with him. Don’t be that guy. Or girl. Or clueless couple.
Whether you managed to enter a strict Fetish club in Berlin or a vibey, velvet-lit SM soirée in London, sex clubs and kink parties must be treated as sacred spaces. They run on unspoken– (often also spoken) codes, established rituals, and community-taught manners that separate the scene kids from the creeps.
If you're new to the game—or just unsure what the game is—this is your crash course in not being a walking red flag.
1. Don’t Gawk. Observe.
Yes, someone’s getting spanked by a latex goddess in heels taller than your confidence. Yes, someone else is on a leash, smiling. It’s hot. We get it. But if you're standing around like you're watching Netflix, you're killing the vibe.
Look with respect, not entitlement. This isn’t porn.
2. Don’t Touch. Unless Invited. Explicitly.
This shouldn’t need to be said in 2025, but here we are. Just because someone is naked, collared, or mid-orgasm doesn’t mean you have access. Ever.
Ask. Use your words. “May I touch your arm?” is hotter than any unsolicited grope. Consent is not a buzzword. It’s the only currency that works here.
3. Dress for the Space, Not the Street
Nothing kills a mood faster than someone in cargo shorts. Most events have a dress code. Sometimes it’s latex or leather. Sometimes it’s just effort.
Pro tip: If you’re unsure what to wear, read the invite. If you still don’t know—ask. If you show up in sneakers and denim, expect to get bounced.
4. Don’t Dom Anyone Who Didn’t Ask
Just because you call yourself a “Dom” on FetLife doesn’t mean you get to bark orders at strangers. No one cares about your alpha energy until they’ve opted in. Real Dom/mes know how to read a room. Real tops know how to wait.
Translation: If you’re saying “you look like a good little sub” to someone you’ve never met, you’re the problem.
5. Respect the Scene (Even If It’s Not Yours)
You might not be into humiliation, needle play, or the art of being trampled—but someone else is. At a kink party, every scene is sacred. Your giggles? Not welcome.
Don't yuck someone else’s yum. That’s etiquette 101.
6. Know the Lingo. Or Learn It Quietly.
Don't ask what "aftercare" means while someone is mid-cuddle post-impact. Google is your best friend. So are workshops, munches, and pre-party intro chats. No one expects you to be an expert, but do your homework before showing up with wide eyes and zero knowledge.
7. Hygiene. Always.
Yes, you’re expected to shower. Yes, you need to trim your nails. Yes, even your breath. If you're engaging with other bodies, treat yours with respect. Bring gum. Wipe down equipment. Use the towel. You’re not in your living room.
8. No Means No. Maybe Also Means No.
Consent is not a puzzle to decode. If someone says “maybe later,” that’s a polite “no.” If someone turns away, walks away, or isn’t looking directly at you—they’re not interested. Move on. And don’t take it personally. Rejection is part of the culture. Deal with it like an adult.
9. Don’t Perform—Engage
You're not there to prove anything. You're not an Instagram reel. You’re there to be present, respectful, curious. Engage with people. Compliment respectfully. Say thank you when someone lets you watch. This is a community, not a circus.
10. Read the Room. (And the Invite.)
Every party is different. Some are “no phones, no photos, no exceptions.” Others are literally orgies. Know what you’re walking into. If it’s a sex-on-premises space, understand the rules around condoms, lube, and cleanup. If it’s a play party with no sex? Don't try to push the boundary.
Final tip: Watch, learn, ask questions at the bar. And never assume you’re the main character.
If you can treat a sex party the same way you treat a friend’s dinner party—with attention, etiquette, and awareness—you’ll be just fine. You might even get invited back.