Do Men Watch JOI Videos Because They Secretly Want to Be Controlled?
- Filip
- Sep 2
- 2 min read
Porn genres tend to be blunt about what they’re selling—stepmom, plumber, “delivered in under 30 minutes.” But JOI videos (that’s jerk off instruction, for the uninitiated) hit different. It’s not just someone getting naked on camera—it’s someone telling you exactly what to do with your own body.
And the fact that millions of men queue these clips up on Pornhub begs a bigger question: is this really about sex, or about control?
What JOI Actually Is
A JOI video is basically an erotic Simon Says. A performer—often a domme, sometimes a porn star with a side hustle in hypnosis vibes—guides you through how to touch yourself. It could be slow and sensual, or degrading and cruel (“edge until I say stop, loser”).
The core fantasy? Someone else is driving.
Why It’s So Popular
Decision fatigue. Modern porn is a firehose of options. JOI solves the paradox of choice by outsourcing it—you don’t have to decide what to do next; someone tells you.
Control disguised as permission. For many men, especially those raised to perform masculinity as in control 24/7, JOI offers relief: the chance to surrender without admitting it.
Psychological foreplay. JOI builds anticipation. The countdowns, the teasing commands, the drawn-out edges—your brain is in the game long before your body is.
The Secret Submissive
Here’s the not-so-secret secret: a lot of men who watch JOI aren’t “kink guys” in the leather-dungeon sense. They’re tech bros, accountants, teachers—men who, outside the bedroom, call the shots.
JOI lets them flip the script. It’s not about being a “loser” (though degradation subgenres exist), it’s about experimenting with surrender in a safe, controlled environment.
Erotic power play is rarely about power itself—it’s about relief, trust, and the thrill of role reversal.
Is It Just a Porn Thing?
Not always. For some, JOI opens the door to IRL dom/sub dynamics. For others, it’s enough to just fantasize. The brain doesn’t need physical handcuffs when a voice in your headphones can trigger the same psychological submission.
And yes—sometimes JOI videos double as “training wheels” for exploring kinks. If you can follow instructions in a video, maybe one day you’ll follow them from an actual partner.
The Double Edge
The JOI rabbit hole can be hot, but there are risks:
Escalation. Some users report needing increasingly extreme commands to stay aroused—classic conditioning.
Shame spiral. Men who don’t see themselves as “submissive” might panic after the post-nut clarity sets in (“what does it mean that I just obeyed a stranger’s countdown to orgasm?”).
Dependency. Outsourcing arousal can make solo sex without a domme voice feel flat.
The Bigger Truth
So—do men watch JOI because they secretly want to be controlled?
Yes… but it’s not a sinister secret. It’s human. The draw isn’t humiliation or weakness—it’s the luxury of letting go.
For many men, being told when to stroke and when to stop is less about domination and more about permission to finally stop performing.
And maybe that’s the sexiest thing about it: surrendering, not because you have to, but because you want to.