Do You Have a Praise Kink? Being Told You’re a Good Girl/Boy
- Filip
- Aug 25
- 2 min read
“Good girl.”
“Such a good boy.”
“Look at you, taking it so well.”
For some people, these phrases are pure background noise. For others, they’re the erotic equivalent of fireworks going off inside the ribcage. If your pulse jumps the second someone praises you mid-sex—or even just mid-flirt—there’s a good chance you’ve got a praise kink. And you’re in good company.
What Is a Praise Kink, Exactly?
At its core, a praise kink is about eroticising approval. It’s when words of affirmation—“you’re so beautiful,” “you feel amazing,” “you’re perfect”—trigger arousal, often amplifying whatever’s already happening in the moment.
The praise can be gentle and loving, or it can be laced with dominance and ownership. The kink isn’t one-size-fits-all—it can show up in soft vanilla sex, high-intensity BDSM, or anywhere in between.
Why It Works (The Brain Science Bit)
Psychologists link praise kinks to two main things:
Dopamine & Reward Loops – Compliments light up your brain’s reward system. Pair that with physical pleasure, and you’ve basically trained your neurons to say “yes, more of this.”
Validation as Foreplay – For some, especially those wired toward people-pleasing, external approval can feel like emotional oxygen. In sexual contexts, it’s not just “I approve of you”—it’s “I want you exactly as you are right now.”
Common Praise Kink Dynamics
Soft & Sweet – Think: “You’re doing so well,” whispered in your ear. Works beautifully in nurturing, romantic sex.
Dirty & Directive – “You’re my good slut.” Edges into degradation territory, but keeps the core tone affirming.
Public Approval – Compliments in semi-public situations (whispered in a bar, murmured at a dinner table) can add a layer of risk and thrill.
Is It Linked to Childhood?
Sometimes. Growing up with scarce praise can make it feel intoxicating in adulthood, especially when linked to intimacy. But it’s just as common in people who had abundant affirmation—because for them, praise feels like home. Neither origin story is “better” or “worse.”
How to Explore a Praise Kink
Start Small – Ask a partner to narrate what they like about what you’re doing in bed.
Mix Contexts – Try it during foreplay, or after. Post-sex praise can be just as potent.
Pair It with Eye Contact – If you want to level up intensity, lock eyes. Your nervous system will notice.
Flip the Script – Some praise kinksters also love giving praise. Yes, you can be a switch here too.
The Takeaway
Praise kinks aren’t about being needy or insecure—they’re about eroticising affirmation. In a world that’s constantly pointing out what’s wrong with you, wanting someone to tell you you’re right in the heat of the moment isn’t just sexy—it’s radical self-acceptance in disguise.
So next time someone calls you a “good girl” or “good boy” and you feel your knees go weak, know this: you’re not broken, you’re just wired for approval-fuelled pleasure.
