Dominant Women Dating: 7 Mistakes Submissive Men Make (And How to Fix Them Before Getting Blocked)
- Amanda Sandström Beijer
- 3 hours ago
- 4 min read
Dominant women dating isn't some magical fairy tale where you get to live out your fantasies while she does all the emotional labor. Yet somehow, countless submissive men keep making the same cringe-worthy mistakes that get them blocked faster than you can say "Yes, Mistress."
After witnessing enough train wrecks to fill a small cemetery, we've identified the seven most common fuck-ups that kill your chances before they even start.
Ready to stop being that guy? Let's dive in.
Mistake 1: Leading with Your Dick (Instead of Your Brain)
Most dominant women can smell desperation from three dating apps away. When your opening message reads like a poorly written erotica excerpt, you've already lost.
The mistake: "Hi Goddess, I'm a pathetic worm who needs to be stepped on while you drain my wallet."
The reality check: She's a human being, not a vending machine for your kinks.
The fix: Start with normal conversation. Ask about her interests, hobbies, or something from her profile that isn't related to her being dominant. Build actual rapport before discussing BDSM dating dynamics. Revolutionary concept, we know.
Learn to find erotic excitement within your dynamic instead of chasing the next high
Mistake 2: Treating Communication Like a Suggestion Box
The research doesn't lie – ignoring clear communication, honesty and consent tops every dominant woman's list of relationship killers. You're not psychic, and neither is she.
The mistake: Assuming you know what she wants without asking, or worse, steamrolling over boundaries because you think you know better.
The fix:
Ask explicit questions about boundaries, expectations, and consent
Listen to her actual words, not what you want to hear
Confirm understanding before acting
Make ongoing communication a priority, not an afterthought
Communication in domme sub relationships isn't just talking – it's the foundation that keeps everything from falling apart.
Mistake 3: Making It All About You (The Main Character Syndrome)
Centering yourself instead of serving is like showing up to a potluck with an empty plate and expecting a five-course meal. The math doesn't work.
The mistake: Constantly steering conversations back to your needs, your fantasies, your timeline, your expectations, or acting on them in desperation mode without taking time to soley focus on your domme and their needs, wants and capacity in the moment.
The fix: Flip the script. Ask what she needs. How can you support her goals? What does service look like in her world? Is she in a space where she has energy to explore fantasies together with you, or does she need to slow down and be served the regain energy? This is about understanding your role in the dynamic you're both creating.
Lifestyle Domination is not a long pro Domme session; the sex won't be about climax or 'keeping it exciting', but instead about depth and deepening the dynamic.
Mistake 4: Rushing Like You're Catching a Flight
Expecting instant results in the casual kink dating world is like expecting to run a marathon after buying running shoes. Slow your roll, speed racer.
The mistake: Pushing for titles, collars, 24/7 dynamics, or moving in together after three conversations.
The fix:
Focus on your own personal development first
Show consistency and reliability over time
Let her set the pace for escalation
Prove you're a complete person, not just a kink dispenser
Mistake 5: Confusing Porn with Reality (The Fantasy Object Problem)
This one's brutal: treating her like a fantasy object instead of a complex human being with thoughts, feelings, and a life outside of dominating you.
The mistake: Reducing her to a collection of kinks and leather outfits while ignoring everything else that makes her who she is.
The fix: Get to know her as a person. What's her job? Her passions? Her pet peeves? Her favorite terrible reality TV show? Value her mind, not just her ability to make you submit.
Mistake 6: Selective Hearing Disorder
Failing to listen and observe is like playing chess blindfolded – you're going to lose, and it won't be pretty.
The mistake: Missing subtle cues, ignoring body language, or only hearing what confirms what you already believe.
The fix: Become a student of her communication style. Some dominants are direct; others communicate through tone, timing, or subtle shifts in energy.
Pay attention to:
How she responds to different topics
When she seems most engaged
What makes her light up vs. shut down
Her non-verbal communication patterns
Mistake 7: Bringing Vanilla Relationship Baggage
The final mistake that kills more dominant women dating opportunities than bad cologne: applying vanilla relationship rules to power exchange dynamics.
The mistake: Expecting traditional relationship escalation, getting jealous of her other relationships (if she's poly), or trying to "fix" or change her dominance style.
The fix: Understand that BDSM dating operates by different rules. Research power exchange relationships, understand concepts like:
Negotiated authority vs. blanket submission
The difference between scene and lifestyle dynamics
How dominance can be expressed in various ways
Why traditional relationship milestones might not apply
The Real Talk: How to Actually Succeed
Want to find kink community online connections that last? Here's your action plan:
Do your homework. Learn about BDSM culture, consent practices, and different relationship styles. The queer kink community has excellent resources – use them.
Work on yourself first. Become someone worth submitting to. Handle your mental health, build interesting hobbies, develop skills, take care of your body. Dominance is earned, not demanded.
Start small. Look for opportunities to serve or support that aren't explicitly sexual. Consistency in small things builds trust for bigger things.
Respect the vetting process. Experienced dominants have standards because they've learned what works and what doesn't. Don't take it personally – take it seriously.
The Bottom Line
Dominant women dating isn't rocket science, but it requires genuine respect, emotional intelligence, and the ability to see beyond your own needs.
Stop making these mistakes, start treating dominant women like the complex, intelligent humans they are, and watch your dating life transform from a series of blocks to actual meaningful connections.
The choice is yours: keep being that guy who gets blocked, or level up and become someone worth keeping around.
Your move, sub.