How To Finger Your Girl: A Manual for Precision
- Amanda Sandström Beijer
- 1 day ago
- 6 min read
Most people think they know how to use their hands. They're wrong. Fingering isn't just "sticking fingers in and hoping for the best", it's a technical skill that requires actual knowledge of anatomy, rhythm, and the ability to read feedback that isn't always verbal. Think of it as playing an instrument that doesn't come with sheet music.
The gap between what people think they know and what actually works is embarrassingly wide. So let's close it.
The Boring Basics That Actually Matter
Before you touch anyone, sort out your hands. Trim your nails, and I mean really trim them, then file the edges smooth. Run your fingertips along the inside of your cheek. If you feel anything sharp, fix it. One jagged edge can turn the entire experience into a medical incident.
Wash your hands. Properly. Under the nails, between the fingers, the whole ritual. And if you're someone who works with their hands, mechanics, artists, bartenders, double-check for residual chemicals or substances. Vaginal tissue is absorbent and sensitive.
Lube is non-negotiable. Even if she's wet, even if you think there's "enough," add lube. Water-based is the safest bet, it's compatible with condoms and toys, and it doesn't disrupt vaginal pH. Silicone-based lasts longer but can be harder to clean up. Oil-based feels luxurious but breaks down latex. Or check with her, she may have other preferences. Choose accordingly.
The Anatomy Lesson You Should've Had Years Ago
Here's where most people fail: they don't know what they're touching. The clitoris isn't just that little button at the top, it's an iceberg. What you see externally is the glans, but beneath the surface, the clitoral structure extends internally with two legs (crura) that run down along either side of the vaginal opening, plus two bulbs of erectile tissue that flank the vaginal entrance.
The external clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings packed into a space smaller than a pea. It's the most concentrated pleasure center in the human body. Some people can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation, this isn't a failure of imagination, it's anatomy.
The internal clitoral legs wrap around the vaginal canal. When you press on the vaginal walls from inside, you're stimulating these structures indirectly. This is why internal and external stimulation combined often works better than either alone.
The G-spot isn't a magic button, it's an area on the front vaginal wall, about 2-3 inches inside, that corresponds with the urethral sponge (also called the paraurethral glands or female prostate). When aroused, this area swells and becomes more textured, you're looking for a slightly rougher, ridged patch that feels different from the surrounding smooth tissue.
The urethral sponge surrounds the urethra and sits just behind the front vaginal wall. Stimulating it can create intense sensations, and for some people, squirting. The fluid released during squirting comes from the Skene's glands within this sponge, it's not urine, though it may contain trace amounts depending on timing.
How Does the "Come Hither" Motion Actually Work?
The come hither motion isn't just a cute name, it's the most effective technique for G-spot stimulation. Insert one or two fingers (palm up) about 2-3 inches inside the vagina. Curl your fingers upward in a beckoning motion, applying firm, rhythmic pressure against the front wall. You're pressing toward the belly button, not straight up.
Start slow. The G-spot often needs time to "wake up", initial touch might feel like nothing, or even like she needs to pee (that's normal and usually passes). As arousal builds, the area swells and becomes more responsive. Increase pressure and speed gradually based on feedback.
Combine this with external clitoral stimulation using your thumb or your other hand. The dual sensation, internal pressure plus external touch, creates a feedback loop that intensifies both.
What About Rhythm and Pressure?
Consistency matters more than complexity. Once you find something that works, stay with it. The same motion, the same pressure, the same rhythm. Don't get creative at the last minute. This isn't jazz, it's more like techno. Repetition is the point.
Try the tapping technique: two fingers inside, making rapid, firm taps against the front wall where the G-spot sits. It's percussive rather than stroking. Some people find this more intense than the come hither motion.
For external clitoral work, circular motions tend to work better than direct up-and-down or side-to-side. The clitoris can be too sensitive for direct sustained pressure, try stimulating around it, or through the clitoral hood, rather than directly on the glans.
Vary pressure, not just speed. Light, teasing touch → medium, consistent pressure → firm, focused intensity. Build in waves rather than straight lines.
Reading Feedback Without a Manual
She won't always tell you what's working. Sometimes arousal makes verbal communication harder, not easier. Learn to read physical cues: muscle tension (especially in thighs and stomach), breathing patterns, involuntary movements, sounds that aren't words.
If her hips push toward your hand, that's usually "more." If she pulls away or tenses up, that's "different" or "stop." If her breathing becomes shallow and rapid, you're close, don't change what you're doing.
Ask questions early, before the point of no return: "Harder?" "Faster?" "Stay here?" Give her binary options rather than open-ended questions, it's easier to nod or shake your head than to form sentences.
Communication isn't a mood killer, it's the opposite. Knowing you're paying attention, that you care about getting it right, is intensely attractive. The sex educator Emily Nagoski emphasizes that arousal is context-dependent, feeling safe and understood accelerates the process.
Can You Actually Make Someone Squirt?
Sometimes. Not everyone can, and not everyone wants to. Squirting (or female ejaculation) happens when the urethral sponge is stimulated intensely enough to trigger fluid release from the Skene's glands. It requires significant arousal, the right angle of pressure, and a willingness to "let go" that not everyone feels comfortable with.
The technical approach: G-spot stimulation with firm, rhythmic pressure. As arousal intensifies, increase speed and force (yes, more than you think: this isn't delicate work). The sensation before squirting often mimics needing to pee, which causes many people to tense up and block the release. Reassurance helps.
But here's the thing: squirting isn't the Olympic gold medal of fingering. Plenty of people have explosive orgasms without it. Don't make it the goal: make pleasure the goal.
The Positions That Aren't Terrible
Her on her back, you beside her: Classic for a reason. Good access to both the vagina and clitoris, plus you can maintain eye contact and kiss her. Support her lower back with a pillow to tilt her pelvis upward: this improves the angle for G-spot access.
Her sitting on your hand: She controls depth and angle, which takes pressure off you to guess. This works particularly well if she knows what she wants but has trouble articulating it verbally.
Spooning position: You're behind her, hand reaching around front. This is intimate and allows her to guide your hand with hers. Less visual, but sometimes that's a feature, not a bug.
Avoid positions where your wrist is twisted at awkward angles: cramps kill the mood, and you need dexterity and stamina. If your hand is going numb, switch positions rather than pushing through.
When Do You Stop?
When she tells you to, obviously. But also: after orgasm, sensitivity skyrockets. What felt incredible 30 seconds ago might now feel unbearable. Ease off gradually rather than pulling away abruptly. Slow the rhythm, lighten the pressure, eventually just rest your hand there without movement.
Some people can handle (or want) continued stimulation for multiple orgasms. Others need a break. Ask. Or better yet, have this conversation before anyone's naked: check out the kink sheet approach for pre-negotiating preferences.
Why Does This Matter?
Because most sex education teaches reproduction, not pleasure. Because the clitoris wasn't fully mapped until 1998. Because the cultural script around sex still centers penetration over everything else, leaving manual sex as "foreplay" rather than its own complete act.
Learning to finger someone properly isn't just about technique: it's about understanding that bodies are specific, communication is essential, and pleasure is a skill you can develop. It's about treating sex as something you get better at through practice and feedback, not something that should "just happen naturally" if you're with the right person.
The right person with the wrong technique is still the wrong technique.