How to Get Laid: The Modern Guy's Guide to Getting Sex When You Need It
- Amanda Sandström Beijer
- Jan 16
- 5 min read
Look, we get it. Sometimes you just need to get laid. Maybe you've been in a dry spell longer than the Sahara. Maybe you're coming out of a relationship and want some fun without the emotional baggage. Maybe you just want sex without having to pretend you're interested in someone's Netflix recommendations.
The good news? Getting laid in doesn't require you to become a sleazy pickup artist or download seventeen different apps. The bad news? It does require you to develop something most guys severely lack: actual human decency and social skills.
Step One: Stop Being Weird About It
Here's your first reality check: desperate energy is visible from space. Women can smell sexual desperation the way sharks detect blood in water. If you're walking around like a horny zombie, radiating need, you're already done.
Jake, a friend from Berlin's techno scene, learned this the hard way. He spent months prowling clubs like a predator, practically vibrating with horniness. Zero success. Then he started going to the same venues just to enjoy the music and vibe with people. Suddenly, connections happened naturally.
The secret sauce? Genuine enjoyment of whatever you're doing. If you're only at a party to get laid, people sense that transactional energy. But if you're there because you actually want to be there, suddenly you become someone people want to be around.
Know Where the Action Actually Happens
Forget traditional bars and clubs where everyone's playing games. You want spaces where sexual openness is already part of the culture.
Sex-positive events and spaces are your goldmine. Think tantra workshops, kink munches, polyamory meetups, or body-positive art shows. These environments attract people who are already comfortable discussing sex openly.
Underground club scenes in cities like Berlin offer incredible opportunities. Places like KitKatClub or Berghain aren't just about techno – they're sexual playgrounds where consent and pleasure are celebrated. The key is becoming a regular, not a tourist.
Adult education classes might sound unsexy, but workshops on sensual massage, tantric practices, or even BDSM basics are filled with people exploring their sexuality. Plus, you'll actually learn something useful.
Master the Art of Transparent Intention
This is where most guys fail spectacularly. They either come on way too strong or pretend they want friendship when they clearly don't.
The magic phrase? "I'm really attracted to you and would love to explore that, but I'm not looking for anything serious right now. How does that land with you?"
Boom. Cards on the table. No manipulation, no false promises. Some people will say no – and that's perfectly fine. Others will appreciate your honesty and might be exactly where you are.
The Sex Worker Conversation
Let's address the elephant in the room. Sex work is work, and if you need sexual release without emotional complications, this is a legitimate option where it's legal and safe.
Good sex workers are professionals who provide exactly what you're looking for: skilled, consensual sexual experiences without the complexity of traditional dating. Do your research, prioritize safety for everyone involved, and treat sex workers with the same respect you'd show any service professional.
This isn't admitting defeat – it's recognizing that sometimes the most straightforward path is the honest one.
Actually Develop Yourself (Because That's Attractive)
Here's what actually makes you magnetically attractive: being genuinely interesting and comfortable in your own skin.
Physical confidence doesn't mean looking like a fitness model. It means moving through the world like you belong in it. Good hygiene, clothes that fit, and the ability to take up space without apologizing.
Emotional intelligence is criminally underrated. Can you read social cues? Do you know how to have engaging conversations? Can you handle rejection without becoming bitter or aggressive?
Real interests and passions make you infinitely more interesting than generic gym bros. Whether you're obsessed with fermentation, Renaissance art, or underground hip-hop, genuine enthusiasm is magnetic.
What Does Respectful Flirting Actually Look Like?
Flirting isn't about cheesy lines or manipulative techniques. It's about creating playful tension while respecting boundaries.
Start with genuine compliments that aren't about appearance. "Your energy is incredible" hits different than "You're hot." Make observations about their personality, interests, or the way they engage with the world.
Use humor that includes rather than excludes. Self-deprecating jokes work better than putting others down. Playful teasing should feel like an invitation to play, not an attack.
Pay attention to body language and verbal cues. Are they leaning in or pulling back? Are their responses getting longer or shorter? Respect what you're seeing and hearing.
Handle Rejection Like a Grown Human
This is non-negotiable: when someone says no, you say "no problem" and move on with grace.
Getting rejected doesn't mean you're worthless or that the person rejecting you is wrong. It just means you're not a match right now. The ability to handle rejection well is actually incredibly attractive and will serve you in future interactions.
Some of the coolest connections happen when you respond to initial rejection with such good humor and respect that the person reconsiders or introduces you to someone else.
The Friend Network Strategy
One of the most effective ways to meet sexually open people is through friends who are already in sex-positive communities. If you know someone involved in kink, polyamory, or alternative relationship styles, let them know you're interested in exploring those scenes.
This isn't about asking friends to set you up. It's about expressing genuine curiosity about their communities and asking if you can tag along to events or parties.
People are much more likely to connect sexually with someone who comes recommended by a trusted friend than a random person approaching them at a bar.
Technology That Actually Works
While we're not diving deep into dating apps, some platforms specifically cater to sex-positive communities. Feeld, for instance, is designed for people seeking non-traditional connections.
The key with any tech-assisted approach is the same as in-person: be transparent about what you want, respectful in your communications, and prepared for rejection.
Questions People Actually Ask
How quickly can I expect results with this approach? This isn't a quick-fix strategy. Building genuine connections and becoming comfortable in sex-positive spaces takes time. Think months, not weeks. But the connections you make will be much more satisfying than anything forced or manipulated.
What if I'm shy or introverted? Perfect. Many people in sex-positive communities specifically appreciate quieter, more thoughtful approaches. Focus on one-on-one conversations rather than trying to be the center of attention.
Is this approach only for people in big cities? While cities like Berlin obviously offer more opportunities, every area has some form of sex-positive community. Start with online groups and workshops, and be willing to travel occasionally for events.
The reality is simple: getting laid consistently requires you to become someone worth sleeping with. That means developing actual social skills, treating people with respect, and creating genuine connections.
Skip the manipulation tactics and focus on becoming genuinely attractive – not just physically, but as a complete human being. The sex will follow naturally.
