For some, the master/servant role is a fantasy that is lived out on specific occasions. For Alex, it's a lifestyle. Together with his husband he obeys under strict rules every day.
By: Filip Sandström Beijer
Photos by: RAF AND WAY for ARMY OF MEN
How did it all start? When did you discover your fascination with being in a master/servant relationship?
I realized it very early on. As a teenager I was into more than just vanilla-sex and I loved films about ancient Rome with its servant and gladiators. I was also more interested in this relationship when it moved into the bedroom. I liked bondage and various fetishes like rubber. When I was about 19, I dated a master for the first time, and we started to go out more often. This was probably what gave me the idea of wanting to extend the submission beyond the play sessions and we tried it out for some time. However, after a while it fell apart.
I met my current master when I was 27 and from today's perspective, I would say that I knew, already after the first date, that I wanted to submit to him. We dated as master and servant for almost one year until we realised that there were more feelings involved besides this strong dominance/submission connection. And we are now married since one and a half year.
What is enticing about being a servant?
I think it's this strong power that such a relationship brings with it. It takes a certain strength to be able to give up control, to put your life fully in the hands of another person. This is not possible without one hundred percent mutual trust. The clear division of roles and the power exchange creates an incredibly strong bond that I've never felt before in any relationship.
As a "reward" for submitting to my Master, I get the chance to completely fall for him. I don't think I could experience the intensity that this gives to our relationship and my life without being a servant.
And before you ask: sex is of course also very exciting, but what I'm feeling as a servant makes it really exciting far beyond sex.
Do you need to ask for permission to answer these questions?
Yes, I asked him for permission for the interview. Not necessarily because it is a rule, but because I'm talking about our life together.
What rules have you and your master set up?
We have a multi-page contract, which regulates my tasks and duties, but also specifies the responsibilities that my Master bears for me. Since the contract is something very personal between the two of us, let me just give a few examples:
I always wear a locked chain around my neck to show I’m owned.
I never lie to my Master.
I can't have an orgasm without my master’s permission. He keeps me permanently chaste for this.
I'm not allowed to have sex with other men without permission.
I am not allowed on the couch or in bed without permission.
At the restaurant my Master chooses what I eat.
What does one need to think about before, if one is eager to enter into a master / servant relationship?
I think you should be aware that it's more than just a sexual fantasy and more than just sex. Life in a master/servant relationship requires a lot of energy and discipline from both sides and can of course be exhausting at times. On the other hand, this intense kind of relationship gives you back an incredible amount of strength.
What is the strangest / most exciting or most degrading thing you have done for your master?
I think that for many it is very unusual that my Master decides about my tattoos. In this way, he develops my body bit by bit the way he wants it to be.
From what I understand, you keep the relationship secret at work and for the family. What does dominance look like when you're out in public?
It's important that I'm respectful towards my Master always. For example, I always address him with the formal "Sie" or avoid a "Du" when we are with the family. Many of our rules can also be implemented in everyday life with others, for example that I start eating after him. But I have also got used to more obvious things - for example, that I usually wear a collar even in public.
A day in Alex life as a servant:
10 am: If I'm lucky enough to wake up before my Master, I crawl to his feet and lick them - he enjoys waking up like that. Then we get up. He usually goes to get bread rolls while I prepare everything for breakfast. I eat breakfast next to him on the floor, as I am not allowed to eat at the table at home. Afterwards, of course, I clean up.
If I don't have anything else to do afterwards, he locks me in the cage. Since we both lead very active lives, this doesn't happen very often.
1 pm: My Master needs new clothes, and we go shopping together. He puts out the clothes I am allowed to wear and changes my collar for a slightly smaller, more "everyday" model. So, we go through various shops together. I always walk slightly behind him. Of course, I carry his shopping bags. Afterwards we go out for a snack. My master chooses for me - that's another of our rules.
5 pm: We are back home. After entering the flat, I undress down to my jock, as I am not allowed to wear clothes at home. My Master changes the small collar for a heavier neck iron. He gives me time to write in my diary, which I keep for him.
7 pm: I get us food from the Asian restaurant next door, which my Master has chosen before. Again, I am allowed to eat on the floor next to my master. I always must wait until he has started eating before I start myself.
9 pm: We have invited friends for a pre-drink - afterwards we want to go to the Kitty together. I make sure that all friends are served with drinks. I also kneel or sit in front of the couch at my master's feet while drinking. Since all our friends know about our special relationship, they don't mind.
01 am: We leave for KitKat. My master has put out a rubber chaps and shirt for me to wear beforehand, plus a collar and arm cuffs. At the party itself, my master usually keeps me on a leash. If a top shows interest, he is happy to lend me out.
08 am: Instead of sleeping in bed, I sleep in the cage after the party - a punishment for an offense that happened to me last week.