Somatic Sex: Turning On Your Body Without Triggering Trauma
- Filip
- Jul 15
- 3 min read
Why Does Sex Sometimes Feel Like Dissociating?
You’re in bed with someone you trust. The lights are low. They’re kissing all the right places. You should be into it.
But instead of moaning, your brain’s buffering.
You’re floating outside your body, or going numb. Maybe you’re going through the motions, saying “yes” when you mean “I think I checked out 20 minutes ago.”
Welcome to the overlap of eroticism and trauma—where the body remembers everything, even if your mind doesn’t.
This isn’t about being broken or dramatic. If sex has ever made you feel unsafe, unseen, or pressured (spoiler: most of us), your nervous system has likely stored that info in the most somatic place of all—your body.
What Is Somatic Sex, Anyway?
“Somatic” just means of the body. Somatic sex is about slowing things way down and tuning in to physical sensation, not fantasy. It's about experiencing pleasure with presence, not performance.
Think of it like this: traditional sex culture is top-down—mental, scripted, performative. Somatic sex is bottom-up. It starts with the body, the breath, the felt sense—and lets arousal emerge naturally, not be forced.
It’s sex as a sensory meditation. With orgasms, if they happen. With pauses, if you need them. With consent that evolves moment to moment.
Trauma Doesn't Mean You Can't Enjoy Sex
Trauma-informed sex work is gaining traction for a reason. Many people are realizing that their lack of desire isn’t a hormonal glitch—it’s their body trying to protect them. When you’ve been conditioned to override boundaries, stay silent, or "perform" in bed, your nervous system learns to armor up.
Somatic sex invites the armor to melt.
You don’t have to dive into painful memories or do reiki on your pelvic floor (unless you want to). You just have to start listening to your body again.
How to Practice Somatic Sex (Solo or With a Partner)
1. Get Curious About Sensation, Not Goals
The goal isn’t orgasm—it’s awareness. Where do you feel heat? Tension? Softness? Where do you not feel anything? What happens when you breathe into those places?
2. Touch Without Agenda
Self-touch or partner touch should begin with exploration, not escalation. Trace your collarbones. Drag your fingers across your hips. Let your skin get hungry. Stay curious, not performative.
3. Learn to Say “Pause”
Not just “no” or “yes”—but pause. A gentle, loving interruption that honors your body’s timing. This is huge for rewiring trust.
4. Breathe. Then Breathe Again.
Sounds cliché, but shallow breath = nervous system in defense mode. Deep belly breaths tell your body: it’s safe to feel.
5. Talk About the Awkward Stuff
The more you can name sensations (“I’m starting to go numb” or “I’m back in my head again”), the more you invite real intimacy in—not just performance.
Why It’s Hot, Not Hokey
This isn’t some sex cult trend in Bali (although, you’ll definitely meet these people there). It’s a way to reclaim your body from shutdown, people-pleasing, and shame. And yes—it leads to mind-blowing sex. Because when your body feels safe, it can finally feel everything else.
You don’t need lingerie or lube that smells like candy. You need slowness, sensation, and space.
Somatic sex is hot because it’s honest. Because you’re not faking sounds, orgasms, or comfort. And that kind of honesty? It’s radical in a culture obsessed with friction and finish lines.
Pleasure Without Panic
Somatic sex is for the people who’ve felt numb, dissociated, or “broken” in bed and are ready to stop forcing it. It’s for survivors. For late bloomers. For touch-starved queers. For people who are done with checking out during orgasms they didn’t want in the first place.
It’s not about “doing it right.” It’s about finally listening to your body—on its terms.
And when you do?
Your body might just thank you with the kind of pleasure that doesn’t leave you feeling empty after.
