How to Make (Real) Friends in Berlin

Filip
Apr 25
3 min read

Making friends in Berlin can feel like swiping on Hinge with no Wi-Fi. You match, you vibe, maybe you share a cigarette under the S-Bahn tracks... and then? Silence. Nothing. Ghosted harder than a Tinder date who got obsessed with ayahuasca.

This city is a paradox—overflowing with people but to some, also weirdly lonely. It’s full of artists, punks, software engineers turned DJs, polycules, kinksters, and that one person who's “between projects.” So why can forming actual, lasting connections here feel like passing club bouncers?

Let’s decode the Berlin friendship game—without falling into the expat sadness spiral.

1. Accept the Emotional Weather (Cold Fronts Included)

Berliners are famously... not warm. They don’t do small talk. Eye contact on the U-Bahn? No. But here’s the secret: behind the bluntness is a refreshing honesty. You won’t get fake smiles or flaky invites. When someone wants you around, they mean it. It just might take three to five months of occasional eye contact to get there.

Think of it like sourdough: slow to rise, but worth the fermentation.

2. Join a Niche Scene—And Stay In It

Want friends who stick around? Find your people and your people’s weird little subculture. Techno queer collectives, non-male DJ workshops, pottery-for-depressed-queers groups, sober raver meetups—it’s all here. But Berlin thrives on subtext, so if you’re just bouncing between scenes like a Tinder tourist, you’ll never break past the surface.

Pro tip: Stick around. Show up twice. Say yes even when you feel awkward. Friendships here aren’t instant—they’re earned.

3. Stop Looking for “The One” (Bestie Edition)

You don’t need to trauma-bond with a new soulmate over mezcal spritzes in week one. Start small: a consistent coffee friend, a Tuesday climbing buddy, someone who also enjoys dancing in small Rn'B parties. The pressure to find a “Berlin BFF” is what pushes people to burnout. Let the friendships form like the city itself—slow, chaotic, unexpected.

4. Say What You Want (Berliners Respect That)

This city runs on directness. You can literally say, “Hey, I’m new here and trying to make actual friends—want to grab a drink next week?” and most people will appreciate the honesty. There’s no need to pretend you met “organically” at an improv dance workshop for queers in wedding dresses.

Also: it’s okay to follow up. Berlin has a notoriously casual relationship with texting back. Be persistent, not desperate.

5. Volunteer or Get Involved (Without the White Savior Complex)

Berlin is full of collectives, causes, and spaces that actually want your energy—if you’re willing to put in the work. Soup kitchens, refugee support, queer housing projects, climate activism, anti-gentrification work… not only do you meet like-minded people, but you build trust in spaces where community means something.

Bonus: Nothing bonds you like passing out flyers together in the rain.

6. Be Weird—It’s Berlin

This city doesn’t care if you have a 9-to-5. But it will love you if you organize a dance party for frogs, start a punk zine about heartbreak, or throw a full moon ceremony that turns into a cuddle puddle. The best Berlin friendships are forged through shared weirdness. Be brave enough to be cringey. People here respect bold, not polished.

7. Know When to Let Go

If someone ghosts you, it's not personal. Berlin is transient. People move, break up, get sober, leave for Lisbon. Don’t chase the ones who vanish—put your energy into the ones who stay. There’s a difference between a Berlin phase friend and a Berlin forever friend. Know which is which.

TL;DR: The Berlin Friendship Starter Pack

Patience – Nothing blooms overnight here, including people.
Presence – Show up again. And again.
Weirdness – Lean into it. It’s your greatest asset.
Honesty – Say what you want. Ask people to hang out.
Resilience – People disappear. Others don’t. Keep trying.

Because here’s the thing: underneath the cool exteriors, Berliners are some of the most loyal, tender-hearted people you’ll meet. Once someone brings you into their circle, they’ll be the ones helping you move house, watching your cat, showing up to your open mic night even when it sucks.

And when it clicks? It really clicks. You’ll look around a smoky dive bar at 3am, surrounded by chosen family, and realize: Oh. This is it.