By: Alexis Smiley Smith
We all know the drill. Instagram pics of 20 something ladies LIVING THEIR BEST FA-A-ACKING LIVES perched on the bow of a speeding motorboat or posing on a Balinese beach donning suspiciously pristine white bikinis sans any dirt or ketchup. Not. A. Care. In. The. World. Alone or surrounded by their entourage, they’re serving up the lyrics that ‘hot girls win’.
Welcome to #hotgirlsummer. When Megan Thee Stallion released her track, she unleashed a cultural trope with a staying power complete with spinoffs, a constant flow of memes and ironic edits from our more sardonic influencers. Ubiquitous is an understatement. Social saturation is more like it. I fell curious to its cause myself, but in the context of Berlin.
At the beginning of June and with the city as my lens, I made plans with the flowers and bees to open those petals and drink up the nectar. I would create my own version in tandem with the city, following Berlin’s lead. But first, I had to reshape #hotgirlsummer into something way less problematic. I’m in my forties and pretty sure I haven’t been a girl by any standard in thirty plus years. Hot girl summer also reeks of lacking inclusivity. Where is the space for humans who don’t identify as girls or women?
There would be no performing no fucks given with a glam squad in the background ever ready for touch ups and hairspray. No catering to this tired ass capitalist patriarchal feedback loop. No bowing to the rampantly active male gaze.
So, in the spirit of Berlin’s ever evolving curiosity and activation around deconstruction, social collaging and getting weird… I welcome you to #hothumansummer.
Hot human summer is all about the authentic embodiment of self. And then move from that place into pleasure and wild sexual and sensual reflections. Take that mirror colonized with the past and throw it out your window. Admire the gleaming shards below and then toss your hair with a bit of sass. Walk away. Get to some serious productive ‘oude hoer’ with yourself.
Do the opposite of glam squad, get your fingers deep inside your pussy or/and your ass or/and firmly gripped around your cock and/or other pleasure centers and let’s ride.
It’s Berlin, remember, we have no idea where this will take us. But if I’m looking for authentic embodiment in this city, I can trust resources exist. And probably give me what I need, not necessarily what I want.
And that’s exactly what happened. With a massive infection from swimming in the Spree bookended with Corona 2.0, I spent most of my hot human summer in my flat. Physically divorced from accessing Berlin, I slumped around and gave into what might be called not-feeling-so-hot-human-winter-of-the soul. But that’s the thing about this city, just when you feel all is lost or got a serious case of the humdrums, magic possibilities can rear their lovely heads.
Finally free from my flat, I went to my local to slurp a half dozen oysters, sip on Crémant and seek out some sage advice from my favorite bartender. A total badass through and through, she bluntly enlightened me. Make a homemade porn, mate. That’s what I do. I don’t need anyone except myself.
Only in Berlin can one eat the food of mermaids whilst getting that kind of tip. I licked the brine from my lips and hatched my plan. So what if I was a little late in the game for my hot human summer immersion journey? All I needed was a camera, a little courage and…
…a professional porn actor as my guide. Enter Noir, a Berlin based performer who works with Hardwerk Studio in creating adult films that not only reshape the mainstream porn narrative, but also actively dismantle the porno patriarchy altogether. He graciously agreed to come to my flat and share his insight and support. This would be the playful act of authentic embodiment I was looking for, but also create a conversation between my sensual self and my inner critic.
Could I find a space for integrating shame and vulnerability and somehow alchemize this into self-worship or acceptance? And what would happen when I watched the footage later in some meta sexual encounter of ‘myself pleasuring myself watching myself pleasure myself’?
Meeting Noir for the first time, I can describe his presence as deep deep water. I felt my nervous system slow down. I knew I was in safe company. His energy sang soothing and soft, but I also sensed a strength in being very clear on boundaries. For him, making porn has been an agent of change beyond the screen. Not only did he learn about his sexuality, but also his trauma and how being in the moment with it while filming actually helped release a lot of shame. Being present with both the positive and difficult moments can create a sense of power and autonomy.
With this is mind and in body, and Noir as my guide, I got the camera out and spent a couple of sexually alchemized Saturday hours making a homemade porn.
HOW TO MAKE A HOMEMADE PORN
STEP ONE
Ritualize. Ritualize. Ritualize.
Take some time to set up yourself and the scene. Fresh sheets and soft pillows. Build a playlist called ‘music to fuck myself to’. Soak in a lavender infused bath. Cut up pieces of watermelon and juice up your mouth. Create some intentional space for yourself and what’s to come.
STEP TWO
Logistics of the lens
Start with a tripod if you have one. With the camera fixed, it’s easier to explore that sweet spot between performance and authenticity, which Noir believes can co-exist in a porn.
When you’re ready, get into handheld close-up mode. Noir invited me to focus on the parts of my body I tend to ignore or shame. Slowly moving the lens over my varicose veins and cellulite felt more worship than critique. Allow for the possibility of your shame demon to transform into a sexy little beast.
STEP THREE
Do what turns YOU on
To start, Noir asked what gets me hot. I get turned on by pouring oil or good quality lube on my tits and rubbing it in until my nipples are hard and slippery. Then down I go. Maybe you have a favorite toy or position or like to lick a latex glove. Whatever it is, be true to your pleasure pathways.
STEP FOUR
Noir says, If it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a fuck no
In your home porn studio, enthusiastic consent reigns. Don’t want to be naked? Great, put on a black lace body instead. Not sure you want to orgasm? Then don’t and focus on other acts of self-pleasure. Feel the need to wear white sneakers? Put ‘em on. Noir also reminded me that taking a break is totally okay. Pause for the cause and continue when you’re ready.
Delete anything you want. Just because you filmed it, doesn’t mean you have to keep it. Noir blew my mind when he told me I wasn’t even required to watch the footage. Maybe this is just about enjoying your body as a sensual self-study. You are literally and figuratively calling the shots.
STEP FIVE
If you choose to watch…
Remember this is ‘by you for you’. You’re not the perfect porn performer but you’re a showy little exhibitionist worthy of praise. Maybe your sex face is a bit cringe, but so is everybody else’s.
If you’re in the mood, touch yourself. I did. Watching the footage, I saw an imperfect goddess. I saw a nymph discovering her body even with the fire trucks screaming by. I saw a siren, a come hither, a white shoe begging to be licked. I saw a hot human at the end of her summer. I saw me.
Happy filming, kittens. And a big extra shout out to Noir’s generosity of time and spirit to co-create not just a scene, but an experience that left me juicy with confidence and ready for more.